Lekmet's Language
by Exotos135
Summary: Rhombulus tries to help Queen Moon learn how to bleat in order to give Lekmet an important message.


**"Yet another story focused on a bizarre pairing, Exotos? When are you gonna do some more normal pairings, like you used to do, like Janco, or Angiel, or Starco-"**

 **Never. We've been through enough stagnation.**

 **Anyhow, hi everybody, Exotos135 here. Another SVTFOE-centric story, this time dealing with a peculiar pairing. One that I don't even know can be counted as semi-canon, because there IS a reference to it in canon, but... it's complicated, alright?**

 **Finally the time has come! The lovely queen of Mewni is taking the center stage alongside everybody's favorite crystal-clear jailer Rhombulus, of the Magic High Commission! Spoiler alert: The latter has a crush on the former in canon.**

 **What's going on here, exactly? Well, you gotta read to find out, I... honestly don't know how to summarize it XD.**

 **So, yeah, I'll shut my trap, and let you read and enjoy. :)**

* * *

At Rhombulus' house, the crystal-headed jailer of the Magic High Commission was using his sentient snake hands to grab and place some cards on top of each other, in what looked like a flimsy attempt at a house of cards. He slowly moved his remaining card on to the very top, placed it there, then slowly backed away before sighing in relief.

"Geez, this game is much more difficult than I thought!" Rhombulus spoke with his snake hands. "Who knew that trying to make a house of cards would be much harder when I only had sentient heads instead of fingers?!"

The snake hands exchanged "are you serious?" looks with each other.

Suddenly, someone opened the door, causing Rhombulus' house of cards to fall apart, with the crystal-headed entity shrieking like a little girl before he turned towards the door and yelled:

"Who dares destroy Rhombulus' house of cards!?"

The figure walked forward just as Rhombulus leaped towards them, and Rhombulus stopped right in front of the figure: Moon Butterfly, the "queen" of Mewni.

"Queen Moon!" Rhombulus exclaimed in shock. "W-What are you doing here?! You never pay me a visit!"

"Oh, that's not true, Rhombulus!" Moon replied, before narrowing her eyes and sternly adding, "I come here every once in a while to make sure you didn't crystallize any of my citizens out of "instinct."

"I know, and I'm sorry I crystallized your daughter because I thought she was evil," Rhombulus sighed, then flinched. "Her father, uh, doesn't know about that, does he?"

"Nope," Moon made the "my lips are sealed" gesture. "That little secret's between you and me."

"Oh, thank goodness," Rhombulus wiped his crystal forehead. "Anyhow, what I meant to say was, you never come here when there aren't people you need decrystallized, and I haven't crystallized anybody today."

"I know, but there's something I need help with," Moon rubbed her arm. "You see, there's an important message I must give Lekmet today, but nobody in the commission speaks his language, or even understands him... except for you."

Rhombulus silently nodded, and Moon took a couple steps forward. "I need you to teach me how to talk, and understand, Lekmet's language!"

"Whoa, hold it right there: Queen Moon, I understand that this message must be really important if you had to come here and ask me to teach you the language, but teaching you about it is going to be much harder than you think it is!" Rhombulus replied, folding his arms and tilting his head as he added, "Besides, Lekmet doesn't use a language himself, he just bleats!"

"Yeah, but there's practically nobody else in the known universe that can bleat like he does!" Moon grabbed one of Rhombulus' snake hands. "Just, please... could you do me this favor and help me learn Lekmet's language?"

Rhombulus blushed for a moment, then took a deep breath and pulled the "yes sir!" gesture. He then rapidly moved his table to the middle of the room, and he sat on a chair as Moon sat on the opposite chair.

"Okay, Moon, the first thing we need to do is establish how Lekmet's vocalizations work," Rhombulus said as he reached for his back and took out a little piece of paper. "So, I took the liberty of making a list on the meaning of his bleating, just in case anybody ever showed interest in learning his language."

And as the queen took the paper, Rhombulus whispered, "I actually didn't take the liberty of making the list: Lekmet made it himself

Moon nodded, then took a closer look at the list, then clutched her chest as she tried to keep her calm. "How can "ba" mean 73 entirely different things?"

"It's all about vocalization and context, your majesty," Rhombulus shrugged and tilted his head. "Anyway, give the list a quick look, and tell me when you're ready to practice."

The queen nodded and read the list to herself. After about 5 minutes, she gathered enough confidence to put the list aside, and start her training, which she did by trying to bleat a sentence, with just a single "word":

"Beh."

Rhombulus tilted his head. "I agree, Laser Puppies are cute, but Laser Kittens are a marvel!"

Moon raised an eyebrow. "Is that what I said?"

"No, you just said "laser kittens," that's it," Rhombulus shrugged. "Is that what you were trying to say? If not, give it another shot."

Moon nodded, then said:

"Bah?"

Rhombulus rubbed one of his snake heads against his crystal head, trying to emulate someone scratching their chin. "Indeed, that's a very important question, your majesty. A question that not many people tend to ask, as we just assume one or the other. And yet, we have to establish there is a difference between both of them, and that no matter what, when they come together, they have the potential to create something even greater, which nearly all of mewmanity fails to notice. You really are wise, your majesty."

Baffled at the fact Rhombulus of all people said that stuff, a perplexed Moon could only ask, "What did I say just now?"

"You asked me which one I thought was better: Peanut butter and jelly separately or individually," Rhombulus glanced at his snake arms. "And I would tell you what you think, but since one of my snake hands like peanut butter and the other likes them separately, whatever I say could start a fight with them, so I'll suggest you to try again."

Moon narrowed her eyes in determination, took a deep breath, then exclaimed:

"Bah!"

Rhombulus blushed and looked elsewhere. "Y-Your Majesty, please, have some restraint."

Moon blushed and flailed her arms in a panic, "W-W-W-What did I say?!"

"...You asked my hand in marriage," Rhombulus nervously answered, before raising his snake-headed arms. "Literally so, you asked to marry one of my snake arms. I don't know which one, but you get the point nonetheless, right, your majesty?"

Moon flushed and lowered her head in shame and embarrassment. "I'm... not so sure we should keep practicing-"

Rhombulus then did something unexpected: He slapped Moon hard enough to leave a snake-shaped handprint, and as his snake arms and Moon herself looked at him in shock, the crystal-headed entity proclaimed:

"You can't give up just yet, your majesty! You faced off against the monsters, you showed bravery in every conflict you found yourself in, your title is "Moon the Undaunted" for crying out loud! You've been able to govern a place as wretched as Mewni for years, and now, all because of a bilingual issue, you're going to throw the towel!?"

Rhombulus leaned closer and sternly asked:

"Would you rather have the message you must deliver to Lekmet be lost to the test of time, because you refuse to try again!?"

Moon narrowed her eyes. "No."

Rhombulus backed away and exclaimed, "What did you say?!"

"No!" Moon shouted.

"I can't hear you!" Rhombulus exclaimed.

Moon clenched her fist. "I said no!"

Rhombulus flailed his arms. "No to what?!"

Moon slammed her fist down the table and stood up as she proclaimed:

"I'm saying no to the idea of giving up! I felt so embarrassed at asking your snake hands to marry me, that I almost thought about looking for another way to deliver the message, but for once, you're right, Rhombulus! I got a message to deliver to Lekmet, a message that nobody else can deliver! Not Hekapoo, not Omnitraxus, certainly not Glossaryck-!"

And then, Moon got an idea. "Well, I guess you could send it to him-"

"Moon!" Rhombulus snapped, returning the woman to reality.

"But you're right, I have an important message to give him, and only I can deliver it to him! So I must practice this bleating thing until I manage to speak fluid Lekmet! And so, first things first..."

Moon pointed at a corner. "Go sit in the corner, you're grounded!"

Sometime after that little event, Moon and Rhombulus went back to practicing the "Language of Lekmet," with the queen bleating at the top of her lungs as Rhombulus gave her as much encouragement as possible, while also trying to not "Rhombulus" it up like he usually did. Several hours passed, and eventually, the training ended and the queen caught her breath, sweating like a hog from the intense training while Rhombulus watched her, looking no worse for wear.

"Okay, I think that's enough for today," Rhombulus stated, earning a thumbs up from the queen.

"Well, Rhombulus, how did I do?" Moon asked, wiping the sweat of her forehead. "You think I've managed to get a decent understanding of the language by now?"

"Oh no, you're a lost cause," Rhombulus blatantly, almost innocently stated. "Your vocalizations are always wrong, you mix and match your words, it's a pure jumbled mess! But don't worry, I know exactly how to fix it!"

The half-crystal, half-snake, half-buff man entity reached for his back, and took out some mechanical hearing aid-like object, but themed after Lekmet himself.

"What's this contraption, Rhombulus?" Moon inquired as she took the object from Rhombulus.

"I was going to give you one of these for your birthday, but the rest of the commission, even Lekmet, told me that giving this to you might not be the best idea," Rhombulus shrugged. "So, I decided to hold off on them until it was necessary. And since you need to give Lekmet an important message, my intuition tells me this is a good time to give them to you."

"Well, thanks anyway, Rhombulus," Moon said as she put the contraption on her ears. "By the way, I don't know why I didn't think of this until now, but is Lekmet here today? You two do live together, after all."

"Oh right, that's true!" Rhombulus lifted his arms, who whistled automatically as he shouted, "Hey Lekmet, the queen's here to give you a message!"

The elderly goat-like chairman walked down the staircase, and approached the queen before bowing down, with Moon returning the bow as Lekmet stood up and bleated, possibly asking what she was doing there.

And mere moments after he asked that, Moon hugged him and exclaimed the important message, which shocked not only Lekmet, but Rhombulus and his snake arms as well:

"Happy birthday!"


End file.
